|Abshir ya 3aroos! I mean ya 3arees!|
Ok before anyone says it, this is not a rant about being single. And now that I think of it, when did I ever rant about being single? Anyway, the other day I was discussing the never-ending topic of marriage and all the difficulties we as Sudanese women have to face with regards to it with a friend of mine: having to put up with the endless looks of pity from people of all ages, the advice from people who have absolutely nothing to do with you, the accusations of al3izeil (yi3azilkom inshallah….. a7aaaaay ana bas) and how eventually there will be nothing to na3azil from, etc., and of course the occasional proposal from someone who is just so wrong you have no choice but to decline. This last part is the trickiest of all: it automatically means you think there is something wrong with them, when the only thing wrong is that you don’t feel the same way. And it means that you think you’re better than them and/or their family. And, it means that you, as a single woman, think you actually have the right to say no to someone who went through a significant ordeal to propose to you. At one point in the discussion, I easily stated that if I were a man, I would have been married ages ago. At which statement, my friend easily replied that what was the guarantee that this person I intended on proposing to would agree, and would feel the same way as me, did not find himself better than myself and/or my family, and thought that, as a single man, they actually had the right to say no?
Which got me thinking about how things would have been if women were the ones who proposed in our society? To tell the truth, I can’t help but laugh when I think about it. I imagine if it were the case, there would be a whole lot of single people out there. Just like there wouldn’t be any more than one child per family if men were the ones to give birth. I mean whatever the reason for rejection, if I were to propose and be turned away, badeha 6awali fi washaha da! He lagya? I mean badeho fi washo of course, since I would still be a girl proposing to a guy. Maybe I wouldn’t be so violent, but I would definitely go underground for about a hundred years until I forget about it and maybe resurface and try again. But then, even if he says yes and it works out things could still go wrong. He would want a fancy and expensive wedding and insist on having everything his cousins and friends have, even if I can’t afford it. And then he would want to go on holidays all the time, or refuse to live with my family and insist on having ‘his own house’. And nag that I don’t get him presents or buy him new clothes and phones and stuff like his friends’ wives do. And he would drag me around all over the place visiting his annoying relatives and get offended if I mention the fact that I have work or studying to do. His mother will be all up in my face every time we have an argument because he’ll be telling her all the details. And when we have kids he’ll be dumping them three times a week to go and get his ‘me time’ at the gym or playing football or staying up with his friends playing playstation and all those other pointless things men consider as entertainment. He’ll try to change my look and secretly get rid of the clothes he hates me wearing, and he’ll buy me his favourite perfumes to passively force me to wear them. I'll have to put up with his horrific cooking and when I ask for some tea or something it would be like I had asked him to get down and give me 50 pushups. And then, when things get really bad, he’ll blame it all on me and my inability to care or understand what he has to go through every day. Yeesh!
Bari yakhoy! Bora majayyyyaha wala 3iris majahjah!